“Seriously. Jesus started the whole “wait three days” thing. He waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard that he died. They’d be all, “Hey Jesus, what up?” and Jesus would probably be like, “What up? I DIED yesterday!” and then they’d be all, “Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude…” and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and then the dude would be like “Uh okayy, whatever you say, bro…” And he’s not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody’s busy, doing chores, workin’ the loom, trimmin’ the beard, NO. He waited the exact right number of days, THREE. Plus it’s SUNDAY, so everyone’s in church already, they’re all in there “Oh no, Jesus is DEAD”, then BAM! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone’s totally psyched, and FYI, that’s when he invented the high five. Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait…. True story.”—Barney Stinson (via thedirtyboots) (via fuckyeahfunnythings)
But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering. It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase “a lot” and condense it down into one word, because when someone says “alot,” this is what I imagine:
The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people’s grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I’d normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world. For example, when I read the sentence “I care about this alot,” this is what I imagine:
Note to self and everyone on the internet: if you do not reblog or like something you see on Tumblr, it’s entirely likely you will never see it again. 221 pages and counting, I still cannot find this photo I saw the other day - and I’m only four days back into my dashboard history.